I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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