Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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