Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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