My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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