it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
