I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
