you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
