Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
