when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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