wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
