Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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