i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
