And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
