his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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