I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
