YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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