Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
