I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
