So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
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Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
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Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
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