So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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