Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just pee around me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
