oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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