we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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