I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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