1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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