I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
