She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
