I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
