If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Acid is not a monday night drug
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
