On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
