I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
