he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
