420 ftw
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
