i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
