Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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