its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
