One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize