he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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