I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
