So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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