she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
