it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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