Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
