I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
