Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i wish my penis had a tongue
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We left an ass print on the piano.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
