can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
