smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
