I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Holy shit dude........stairs
Text me some of your sweat
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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