I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
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Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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