Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize