things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
