You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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