I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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