I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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