All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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