i already hear my dad disowning me
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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