At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
