i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Randomize
