I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Vodka?
Forever.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
