Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
