dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
