my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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