next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
