I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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