so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
