booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
