Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
