yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
