You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
