There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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