i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
