at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
