at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
