I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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