david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
