We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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