he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
