I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize