Buhtt sex?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
