I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
