How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
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And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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