The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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